Testify To The Faithfulness Of The Lord!

A couple of weeks into this trip, when I was still at training camp, I wrote a blog about feeling far from the Lord. How my step of obedience in going on this trip I thought would be met with the Lord’s overwhelming presence. A feeling I once had often, but recently had been missing. I wanted to hear God’s voice again and see Him moving in me. I struggled with understanding how many steps I needed to take in obedience to Him for Him to show up again. But now I see that sometimes it’s not steps but running miles in obedience to where you find Him. I want to share my story of obedience that has led to my renewed relationship with the Lord because testifying to His goodness brings Him glory in it!

At training camp there was the opportunity to get baptized during a worship and commissioning night. I’d thought about what that meant for me because I knew that I had been baptized before and felt unsure about doing it again. Was it wrong to get into the water and proclaim the same thing again? What harm would it do to see what the Lord would have? My first baptism I was eight years old. I knew I understood what it meant to be baptized but I had head knowledge— not heart. I wanted to be baptized for the wrong reasons. My two older sisters were and I would be the first of my friends— I thought I’d be a step ahead of them in my walk with Jesus, closer to God.

So I sat there that night. I didn’t get in the water, but wrestled with the question, “Should I?” I felt there was more for me to learn, more for me to understand. That nothing would change if I got in right then so I needed to wait. Fast forward to almost two months later, another opportunity arose to be baptized during our visa run in St Lucia, South Africa. I thought about it again for a moment, but came to the conclusion that I did not feel convicted to and that I still needed to understand what it meant in my heart. Because it’s not just publicly declaring something— it’s spiritually asking for something.

That day I had multiple conversations with people about whether I was going to get baptized and I told them all the same thing. I thought that I wasn’t ready because I had not yet understood the heart behind getting in the water, and I always followed it with “that’s just my conviction” so no one could convince me otherwise. So when it came time to do the baptisms I got to the place and saw one of our leaders in the water. He saw me walk up and too asked if I was going to get baptized. I said no. He asked why. And I said the Lord has not asked me to.

Fast forward to 20 minutes into the event, out of nowhere I heard so clearly this voice saying, “get in the water”.

I immediately started to argue. “No, I just told everyone that I wasn’t going to and that I do not feel convicted to.”

Then I heard back, “Well did you even ask me?… Did you truly sit down and ask, ‘Lord would you have me get into the water tonight’?”

I said, “No Lord, that’s exactly why I shouldn’t get into the water! I have not prayed and asked you nor spent time thinking about it as I should have.”

God reminded me of people in the Bible who heard Jesus speak and then immediately got in the water and were baptized and asked, “What do you say to this?”

I said, “Lord, but I’m afraid!”

I heard Him say to search my heart and understand why I was afraid. So I did. And I realized I didn’t want to get into the water because I was afraid I would come back up and still feel far from Him. I wasn’t searching for answers on how to get baptized with the right heart. But I was searching for if I got baptized again how could I do it so the Lord wouldn’t continue to be so far from me. I was terrified that if I did it and nothing changed I would feel that God was so far that I would never be able to reach Him.

I heard God say, “Maybe all I’m waiting for is one more step of obedience”.

And I said, “God of course I’ll go however far it takes, but how many steps till you show up? How do I know this is all for something?”

So I sat there and came to the conclusion— not to get into the water. Idiot I know. I actually just argued with God and then decided not to listen to Him, even when I so clearly heard His voice. Which is what I had been asking for after not hearing it for months! But I truly thought that getting baptized wouldn’t fulfill me for some reason. I thought I needed to find God somewhere else. So I told God, “If you really want me to get in, have someone ask me. Actually Lord, have someone push me into the water.” I was on the opposite side of the pool and there were very few around me. No one in talking distance. So I knew it was a clear ask of the Lord. Time passed and the leader in the pool was praying for the Spirit to speak if anyone else felt they needed to get in the water. To make their hearts beat fast. Mine was calm. I felt peace. I was confident I made the right decision. Till God said otherwise.

I heard an audible voice say my name. It was the leader in the pool. The one who already asked if I was going to get baptized that night. He asked me again, “Jaydin is there any part of you that feels like you should get in the water?” I was stunned, no one, even at training camp had ever asked someone that during baptism. I was in such shock to the point I said aloud, “I cannot believe you asked me that right now”. He went on to say how the Lord put on His heart that He wanted me to get in the water but I was reluctant. I wouldn’t get in.

I had to hold back my raging tears because I could not believe how the Lord was seeking me so clearly. I’d never had Him interact with me in such a personal way like this. I decided to step in obedience, blindly because I had no idea what God was going to do through this, and walk in faith.

So my team leader Abby and I got in the water, everyone prayed over me, and I was baptized. Nothing crazy happened in that moment, but I couldn’t deny the way God was seeking me. I knew He would do something.

And what He’s done is reveal Himself to me again. Ever since that day I hear God and see Him all the time. I feel so close to Him again. Closer than I ever have before. I can’t even describe to you all that that one step of obedience did. It’s given me a hunger for the Lord. Confident to continue to step in obedience daily. Knowledge of His word. He’s been speaking through me to reach others around me. I’m in complete awe of how God has changed me over just one week. It’s making me so excited for the rest of this trip and how God will continue to work in me.

I was afraid that the change everyone talked about from people who go on this trip wouldn’t happen to me. I felt like if I couldn’t even find God, how could I have this radical change of who He is and it wreck my life? But man— God can sneak up on you to where you can’t even recognize yourself just the day before. And it’s such a beautiful thing.

So to end this I want to highlight one thing— God is faithful even when He doesn’t seem to be. Don’t give up because maybe the Lord is just asking you for one more step of obedience! So step blindly— with fear if you have to— and wait on the Lord.

Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”